On Rosh Hashana, I got a call. The girl who called said she was Molly, my best friend. But she sounded nothing like her.
Me: Who are you really?
Her: I’m Molly!
Me: No you’re not, if you’re Molly then what two countries are your ancestors from?
Her: Why are you asking? I’m your best friend! Uh…okay, I’m not Molly. I’m Sabrina.
Me: Oh yeah? What was your homeroom last year?
Her: Same as you, Pamisky.
Me: Okay, you’re Sabrina. Why are you calling?
Her: Oh, I just heard some rumors and I was wondering if they were true.
Me: Okay, let’s hear it…
Her: Is it true you’ve had sex before?
Me: What are you talking about? That is SO not true!
Her: Well I heard you’ve also done other stuff.
Her: Oh, you know, that you’ve given guys blow jobs, stuff like that.
Then she went on about other things I supposedly did. I cried and went to my mother and I went to the guidance counselor and we both found out the caller. It wasn’t Sabrina. It was Tiffany.
I have to hand it to Tiffany for assuming two fake identities on one phone call. Other rumors Tiffany mentioned, not discussed in this entry, including stuffing my bra, buying my clothes at K-mart, and being a lesbian. (Works really well with the blow job rumor, as we all know lesbians love blow jobs).